Would you like some education with that Latte?

This just in: The Chicago Public Schools wasted money. What? My tax dollars?? This can't be! Surely, then, it must be for a good cause like the professional development of teachers, additional enrichment courses, or new high-end computers??? An article from the Chicago Sun-Times this month details the startling (but not surprising) news: CPS spent $67,000 on Cappuccino machines. Yeah, coffee. Our money went to machines that turn little beans into a drink (granted a delightful, frothy, invigorating drink!)

The best, however, was still to come. When asked about the purchase, Inspector General James Sullivan was quoted as saying: "'We also look at it as a waste of money because the schools didn't even know they were getting the equipment, schools didn't know how to use the machines and weren't prepared to implement them into the curriculum.'" WAIT. Hang on one second. Is he saying that if the schools (twenty-one of them) were informed of the machines that it would be okay? Is he saying that if the schools knew how to use the machines, everything would be alright? Is he suggesting that if CPS could find a way to implement cappuccinos into the curriculum that somehow the purchases would be forgivable or vindicated?

Well, let's give it a try. How does this course sound: "Cappuccino 101: How to drink a cappuccino, appear scholarly, and gain nothing out of your education."

No, Mr. Sullivan, these purchases are not forgivable. Period. The correct line would have been: "These purchases are a waste"; the fact that he "also" viewed them that way implies that the real shame was the schools' inability to figure out the instructions and enjoy a nice cup of European joe.

Oye. If this continues, we'll be able to add point number 16 to the "Top 15 Effects That Coffee Has on Your Health"--it could literary throw a wrench in your child's education. Anybody feeling stressed?